Fartilius Expulsionus

Fartilius Expulsionus is the latin name for the famous fern that bore farts. The cavemen tribes, the Poopi Tribe in particular, harvested this fern of farts.

APPEARANCE

The fern is rather small, and is brown in color. As wind blows through the fern, it emits a farting noise. This noise can vary depending on the wind temperature, speed, and direction. The fern also seems to have hairs on it. There is currently no scientific explanation as to why that is so.

BIOLOGY

The fern grows out of no where. Once it has reached 10 days old, the fern starts to expand and makes tiny fart noises when wind is blown through it. As it matures, it grows larger and fart noises get richer. Finally, at the age of 60 days old, it starts to grow hairs. The fern can live to be about 130 days old. At that time the hairs began to fall out and the fern starts to shrink. It buries itself in the ground and pops out of the ground again elsewhere, usually making a farting noise when doing so. This rhythm of popping simulates the rhythm of multiple farts performing in a composed melody.

LOCATION

The ferns were found just about anywhere. However, after the disaster that put dinosaurs to extinction, the ferns disappeared. Some explorers, however say that they have seen the ferns in very remote corners of the globe, such as Antarctica and in the middle of the Sahara Desert.

TRIVIA

- The fern sometimes glows red when exposed to sunlight. This could either be hinting at the irritation that some farts inflict or poop that is sometimes bloody.

- There is a rare specimen of this fern at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History in Washington D.C. The fern is approximately 4200 years old and was found in an old man's bathtub on 53 Noislupxe Ave. The fern survived so long because it was extracted from the ground and was placed in a glass display case with no dirt, enabling the plant to live forever because it can not shrink back into the ground.

- Sometimes this fern is referred to as "The Brown Noise Emitter" or "Charlie."

- The fern is not poisonous. It is also edible. Eating the fern will make you fart uncontrollably for hours and can cause serious irritation, chafe, and bleeding to the buttcrack.

- Alfred Shmeegle ate this fern by accident in a pie eating contest in 1981. The fern was "dropped" into his pie. When he finished eating the pie, he farted 833 times per minute, the record at that time. Now the highest FPM (farts per minute) record belongs to Obama Barack, who farted 1605 times per minute.

- This fern is sometimes shoved into the left eyeball for increased vision.